· Looking upon JESUS : 30%
· Obeying the Word: 30%
· Word(devotion) :
· Prayer :
· Those who said Amen :
Sunday, December 4, 2016
I have been suffering very hard recently since it was set that I will not turn in the paper for being discharged from the service. I've felt strong depression, powerlessness, voidness, meaninglessness, and worry of my life, and was negative about every aspect of my life and future. I have tried everything I can to overcome those feelings such as reading the Bible, praying for the forgiveness of sin of not rejoicing, seeking Christ for receiving grace to feel better and giving praises and thanks to God for what I have. None of those worked for me to feel better; it just got worse and worse. I took those feelings as hardship and tried to take them in but it was too painful to stay in those feelings. I couldn't sleep and function normal. The more I tried to get out through prayer, the more I felt strongly that I couldn't. It was a suffering Sunday in a medical room alone on bed in prayer.
And was it one hour before the worship service? I tried to read the Bible again, and this time I read the New testament: Hebrews and James. This has caught my eyes: 1 James verse 2-4. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
This verse taught me that I should persevere when I go through times in which I don't feel happy or my soul does not rejoice instead of focussing on trying to feel better.
When I face challenge feeling crushed and down inside, sure, I should pray in all those ways like I have done and I should read the Bible to empower me with the Spirit but more basically, I must persevere those times instead of just keep trying to feel better. God allows those times in which I need to persevere for me to be mature and complete. As soon as I got that message, my soul started to rejoice in Christ as if Christ was waiting for me to get that message. Maybe I had relied too much on feeling happy and rejoicing instead of walking with Christ through think and thin. Anyhow I was able to go to the service feeling all better and enjoyed worshiping Jesus.
Before the service began, the pastor said that his mom died on that day in the morning. I must pray for my pastor.
It was also an unique day that I determined myself to die for this unit. It was his will for me to stay in this unit so I'm going to die praying for this unit. I'm also thinking about becoming a worship leader. Well, that's for later. Anyway I feel so peaceful and relieved that it's all better now, and I thank Jesus!