Open Journals
Title |   Insecurity 16/11/26
2018-01-11 17:40
  • · Looking upon JESUS : 30%
  • · Obeying the Word: 30%
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Saturday, November 26, 2016

It's killing me that I cannot have a certainty of safe life and security even if I believe in Jesus. I find out that I came back to how I was one year ago. I understand that the belief is not about me but about Jesus Christ but ti's so painful to know that I cannot have any insurance of my life with believing Jesus. When a baby gets out of the safe boundary, baby cries. I feel exactly lie it because I don't have safety. No matter how much I complain, it does not change the fact that God sometimes allows horrible pains. In order to solve this problem, I need to have stronger love, relationship and belief that Jesus is with me. I hope I become okay.

(After prayer)---> Jesus is enough! the fact that he loves me, died for me, rose up from the dead to save me, he is right here with me, he is hearing my prayer, looking at me with loving eyes, holding me tight when I'm hurt - is enough! Sure, I'm going to have some hard time but ti's okay! I have Jesus and him alone is enough! I thank you Jesus!

Deuteronomy 28
It shows all the blessings when obeying the Lord and all the curses when disobeying the Lord. Before I've experienced running away from Jesus, I would simply thank that, 'well, I gotta do what God says on the Bible, otherwise he would just hate me, destroy me, and put a curse on me'. But, after that event of being away from God, I found out it's not Him who hates, destroys and puts a curse on me when disobeying; rather it is the outcome of being away from God by disobeying because God just cannot dwell with sins from disobeying the Lord. According to this text, disobeying the Lord means that we become slaves of sins and not seek Christ and his gracious work of the cross.
From verse 20, it shows all the dire curses that we will get as outcomes; especially from verse 53 to verse 57, it shows we will experience of such dire pains as killing ourselves, and also how we will go nuts and be besieged by the devils, which means to be slaves.

20 The Lord will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him

53 Because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the Lord your God has given you. 54 Even the most gentle and sensitive man among you will have no compassion on his own brother or the wife he loves or his surviving children, 55 and he will not give to one of them any of the flesh of his children that he is eating. It will be all he has left because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege of all your cities. 56 The most gentle and sensitive woman among you—so sensitive and gentle that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot—will begrudge the husband she loves and her own son or daughter 57 the afterbirth from her womb and the children she bears. For in her dire need she intends to eat them secretly because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege of your cities.

It shows on verse 43 that when we re away from God, we will look upon the aliens as it states 'will rise higher and higher' because without God, those who have much money or power would seem to be the coolest.
On verse 44, it represents our space of mind. The mind of void without God will make us little so we will have to strive to get peoples' attentions and interests, on the other hand on verse 12, it shows that when we're with God, we have the infinite source of Love from Jesus, which leads us our interest, attention and love to other people.

43 The foreigners who reside among you will rise above you higher and higher, but you will sink lower and lower.

44 They will lend to you, but you will not lend to them. They will be the head, but you will be the tail.

12 The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.