Open Journals
Title |   27th july 2017
Name
Esther
Date
2017-07-27 19:07
  • · Looking upon JESUS : 50%
  • · Obeying the Word: 40%
  • · Word(devotion) :
  • · Prayer :
  • · Amen ( 0 )
  • · Those who said Amen :
  • No Amen, yet
I was still not open my eyes but my heart keep called God and said thanks and praise Him. Yes, after cried whole night like a crazy, in this morning I was tried my best to focus on Him and keep said it’s well with my soul.. yes, honestly I tried my best to still in His presence, cuz I knew there’s something wrong with my soul and spirit. Although I still doing good things, pray, read the bible, help others but I knew that in the deep of my heart, there’s something wrong with me,
God, please take me out from this feeling, ㅠㅠ As pastor yoo said in Friday night service last week, please Reign in my heart, and be the king of my life. No not "be", but Yes, You are the king of my life.. ruling in me oh God.

I woke up, prayed then read meditation book.. but yes, I didn’t remember manythings.. I just remember “Hope”. Hope in God,. There is always hope in God. I just remembered it, and no emotions at all, ㅠㅠ

Now days, My health was going bad.. so I decided to do exercise.. that’s a good time and i feel better. Lunch time was coming then I did lunch and talked with my friends.. I was so happy can be a good listener for them. I love to hear their story and I feel blessed for every story.. i feel God's intervention in every story and i amazed how Great my God.. He created everyone differently, every story different and God existence in every story is different.. He is wonderful!! How Great You are God~^^

I read book in my room. And I was touching. It’s about “계시다”. I don’t know how to translate it. Maybe “be”, “being”, or maybe “stay”. The author of the book wrote about his experienced when he went to Nepal. He came to see Himalaya few times when he there but he couldn’t see it cuz of it was cloudy. Finally the day when he have to back to his country, in the really early morning, because of his disciple, he went to there again to see himalaya. After wait for few hours.. the sky opened, they could see himalaya. The he realized on things about “계시다” about “being”. Although it was there, but if it is not open, you can’t see that. Although you try to see and wait to see, if it is not open, you can’t.. like the himalaya.. they came there few times, tried hard and waited hard but they still can’t see it if it isn’t open (the sky). And we just can see only as much as it open. It’s same with God. Although I tried hard and force to see and understand, if God do not open it first to me I’ll can’t see and understand it. And if God open it to me, I just can see as much as God open to me. I can’t force.. God first.. He has to move first, He has to open it first to me.. then I have to responds then I can see.. if not, it will not happen. God, open the eyes of my heart and spirit.. open it to me.. so I can see and understand.. God please show me your will and way, so I can obey.
God, please open the eyes of my spirit, so I can understand Your words and can follow it..
God please open it to me.. I’m ready to follow and obey..

In the afternoon, I went out with friends to eat BBQ.. I was not concentration..ㅠㅠ so we lost our way two times.. I’m so sorry for them.. but thanks God, they enjoy the food and we enjoy this free time, After so long not going out, wkwkwk then we also eat ice-cream, shopping, went to karaoke, spent time play basketball game, claw machine game, etc.. thanks God for this free time~ so happy!

We decided to walk to campuz.. it’s need more than 45 minutes to walk to our campuz.. but we decided to try to walk. We never walked that’s why we need map. We used map to walked to campus. And it was amazing. It was raining, and the streets are new streets for us, we never walked through the streets. Without the map. Maybe we lost. And thanks the map lead us in every single step of our step. When we step wrong, we stop and try to wait the sign, think then walked again. It’s look like God who lead our step.. Yes, we have to focus and to see all the signs. Never changing the focus although a second. And have to wait and see the sign again when we go to wrong way.
God help me to do focus on You as I focus on the map, even more than it. God lead me and guide me in Your ways.. God lead and help me.,. I need your sign, I need you
Open the eyes of my spirit and lead me in every step of my life.. help to focus on You..