· Looking upon JESUS : 50%
· Obeying the Word: 45%
· Word(devotion) :
· Prayer :
· Those who said Amen :
No Amen, yet
Nowdays i always take a time for reflection cuz i felt not healthy spiritually. Nowdays,I always reflect my self,God's will and etc.
Actually for about one month even today,i thought that i am not really good spiritually. I am trying my best to keep read the bible, hear and sing worship song, hear sermon, think about God although I don't feel anything for about one month until today.
And one thing that make me more worry Is i forced my self to do it although didn't feel anything. Yeah,i did it because i believe that God is here with me although I didn't feel it. In the same time,
Nowdays Many friends came to me to sharing their difficulties, problems etc. they wanted to give up, run from God, full of stress and came to me to get comfort and peace. and yes, they got it after talked to me. I believe it's happen because I prayed and asked God about what i have to tell to them while heard their stories and problems. That's why All of them felt comfort and peace spoke to me. They felt that They got the answers from God with my advice, and testimonies. And yes, it made me felt more bad, guilty and felt burden cuz i know How my spiritual condition. i know it's not me but Holy spirit did it through me. But i was still felt so guilty cuz i am not worthy to get commendation from them or others. I spoke like an angel, like a God's daughter who has intimate relationship with Him, but in fact i am so struggle spiritually. It's made me more guilty. Although in the deep of my heart and i believe it's because Of Holy spirit in me, i can speak,comfort and give peace to them. I still felt not worthy with it. But today, i realized that Jesus always in me.
Because Jesus in me, i still can read the bible,pray, hear sermons (although i force my self) although when i didn't feel anything.
My faith, my spirit know that God is faithfulness, God in here. Where-ever i go i am with God. That's why i still can stand and hold on.
I realized all of these today when I walked alone, see His creation and think about God today.
I don't need to feel so guilty and stress about give advice,testimonies and prayers although I felt that i didn't health spiritually (empty). The guilty Is satan's guile. I am okay, Holy spirit in me, Jesus with me that's why i still can bear up read and meditate His words and pray although i felt nothing special everyday (not feeling full of grace). Cuz It's because Holy spirit.
Thanksyou for Joy that u give today to me God when i see ur creations (tree,flowers, sky,birds,houses, etc)
Thankyou for hold my hands in my hard time (when feel didn't balance with mind and spirit). Thanks for helping and leadinh me to keep search You in my emptiness, faith and Questioning about unbalanced of spirit,heart and actions.
Thankyou for never leave me even a second.
Help and lead me to love You more and more than anythings. To keep live in faith and righteousness although I can't see and feel.
From ur daughter Esther~