Open Journals
Title |   God is always mercy on me
Name
Esther
Date
2017-03-04 18:25
  • · Looking upon JESUS : 50%
  • · Obeying the Word: 45%
  • · Word(devotion) :
  • · Prayer :
  • · Amen ( 1 )
  • · Those who said Amen :
  • 陳興華
praise GOd who always with me. Praise Him cuz He know who i am, what happen with my heart and mind and know how to heal me. nowdays, i felt better with my self. I feel peace with myself and God. i hope my spiritual life and prayer life will continue restore and i pray that i can always know God heart. Now days, i didn't write spiritual journal cuz i felt that this journal become ministry not my life style to have intimate relationship with God anymore. that's why i stop it a while. if i thought i have to write in english, have to open it to everyone, i felt bad and got headache. Yeah, it's because although i can't speak english, english is not my native language so it's quite difficult to me. second, i need place to sharing and pray, but in here i can't cuz not many people write in this web. third, no app for this web so i have to use computer, it's quite complicated to me. these reasons give me burdens that's why i stop it, and pray for it. i never refuse to write in english, n never refuse to open it to all people. but i also never say yes for it. i can't decide yet. Then i take decision to stop until my heart can take decision from God. actually for the first time until now, no one push me for it, my self push my self to do it. to help. but then i realize why i felt like that. that because i am selfish, not because anything. i want to do it if there are advantages for me. if i write in english and open it to all, it become burden to me, i have spend more time to write it in english, everyone read it but i never know them,etc. i realize know that i am take nad give person. how selfish i am. i also realize, that in the deepth of my heart, i felt this ministry still not my ministry, thats why i don't need to make a big effort. yeah, now, i realize how mean i am, and how bad i am. i am a person that don't know anyone except myself. oh God, forgive me.. please Mercy on Me.
last week, i go to "KOreAN WALK TO EMMAUS". at that time, all of my conclusion about How selfish i am become really real. yes, i am the kind of person. i just thought about myself, how tired i am, how difficult i am, how pain i am, how sad i am.. how painful my family, my sisters, etc. i never think about God's heart. How painful His heart when He see me, How sad He was when i was crying alot, how worried He was when i really tired. i never realize that God felt 2 times pain if i pain, fell 2 times sad when i sad. all this time, i didn't think like that, because i thought God is God, so every things is His responsibility. so it's fair if i angry with Him if i lost, cried and angry to Him if I felt pain and burden. I never realize that He love me more than His self, He worried on me then Him self. I really realize I am so selfish. ㅠㅠ I confess my sins and ask for His forgiveness. And God mercy on me n His love never ends to me. I felt His hands hug me and say He always love, n mercy on me.. oh God, I am so embarassed with my self ~ ㅠㅠ help me to love You more than my self, my family, more than everythings.

These thinkings always come to me everyday, and today I also felt the same things. That’s why I always call His name, and ask His mercy on me.. ask His help to love Him morethan anything and obey all His word.

Today God give me Luke 11: 34 in my daily DEVOTION.
Luke 11:34 : "Your eye is the lamp of your body. when your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. but they are un healthy, your body also is full of darkness."
I focus on Jesus today. In every situation I always try to turn my eyes just on HIm. When I talk woth others, when I make prayer request for prayer team and worship team, when I hear seminar, when I study Hebrew, when I make ppt , when I eat, when I hear sister in Chirst sharing I try to focus on Him. And I try to tell her God’s heart not my thinkings. Although I still can’t focus 100%, still can”t totally understand God heart and can hear His word perfectly, but I feel so peace today. And I believe that it is training. Training that God allow me to do. I hope my eyes always can focus on Him then whole my body also can full of light.
Praise be Your name oh God!